Scene 35

INT. RESTAURANT FOR RENT TWO - DAY
Chris and Izarra are disgusted by another bad space.

IZARRA
Let’s give it a chance.

Chris and Izarra explore, make unsavory discoveries.

CHRIS
Live food could catch something.

IZARRA
Live?

CHRIS
Yeah. You know how veganism built on the vegetarian movement?

IZARRA
I could turn vegan.

CHRIS
Then came nude.

IZARRA
(becoming aroused)
Nude? I’m into that.

CHRIS
You know, raw?

IZARRA
Raw!

CHRIS
The raw or nude foods movement discovered the nutritional benefits of eating everything raw.

IZARRA
(more aroused)
That’s hot.

CHRIS
Never heating food to more than 104 degrees.

IZARRA
A hot, feverish body temperature.

CHRIS
The live foods movement takes it further, recognizing that live cultures like those in yogurt can exist in everything we eat.

IZARRA
Like a raw steak quivering on the cutting board awaiting your masculine hands to tenderize it.

Chris is confused by Izarra’s lack of understanding but is carried along in his excitement.

CHRIS
Refueling the body with a multitude of beneficial bacteria, which find their home deep within the bowel and aid in the digestion process.

IZARRA
Deep within the bowel.

CHRIS
You should try my live foods cheesecake.

IZARRA
(breaking from her building arousal)
Cheesecake? With no cheese? That’s not cheesecake.

CHRIS
It’s all about the proper use of nuts.

IZARRA
(back into arousal)
Nuts?

CHRIS
Cashews as a base. Macadamias for lightness and lift and brazil nuts for a little pungent kick.

IZARRA
Yes!

CHRIS
Then I use my hands to massage the dough, applying just enough strength so as not to bruise.

IZARRA
A little bruise never hurt anyone.

CHRIS
Add dates and figs, and stir harder and harder, increasing momentum.

IZARRA
Mmm hmmm. Mmm hmmm.

CHRIS
Lemon pulp.

IZARRA
Pulp!

CHRIS
Gently massage in coco butter.

IZARRA
(massaging herself)
Oh yeah.

Izarra moans continuously.

CHRIS
Stirring harder and harder, keeping aware of the consistency. Firmer and firmer, until finally you reach just the right point.

IZARRA
(reaching orgasm)
Oh yes, yes, God yes!!!

CHRIS
Are you OK?

Izarra lights a cigarette, still speechless.

CHRIS
You smoke?

IZARRA
Sorry. I’m just excited about this space.

Izarra throws the cigarette in toilet. The water in the toilet lights on fire.

Scene 34

EXT. RESTAURANT FOR RENT ONE - DAY
Chris and Izarra peer through the window trying to get a better look inside, while a REAL ESTATE AGENT opens the door.

CHRIS
Thanks for coming.

They enter.

INT. RESTAURANT FOR RENT ONE - DAY
The interior is in shambles. Slaughter equipment is strewn about. Izarra extends her hands to feel the aura.

IZARRA
Kinda’ cool. It has a red aura.

REAL ESTATE AGENT
It was an illegal slaughter house. Got caught when blood stopped up the drain and flowed in the street.

INT. HOMELESS SHELTER 1 - DAY
Jutta, exhausted and out of breath, approaches RECEPTIONIST.

JUTTA
I’m looking for a man.

RECEPTIONIST
Sweety, you can do better. These are homeless men.

Jutta storms past her.

Scene 33

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, OFFICE - DAY
Frau Knobloch is at the computer, working on Jutta's online dating profile.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
(typing)
Strong German woman look for snuggly puppy dog. I do the spanking. You lick my boot.
(hits enter)
Wunderbar!

PING

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Oh.

PING ... PING, PING

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Oh!

PING, PING, PING ... leading to an avalanche of PING’s.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Jutta, hurry!!!

Jutta enters.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
You are very popular.

JUTTA
I have to visit three homeless shelters.

Jutta shoos Frau Knobloch out. She approaches the computer to turn it off, then hesitates.

JUTTA
Hmmmmmm ...
(clicks mouse, reads)

SEXY MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Cuddly little doggy wants to make your every wish come true.

JUTTA
Sick!

Jutta begins to shut down the computer, hesitates, reads.

SEXY MALE VOICE (V.O.)
I’ve been a bad little puppy and need discipline.

JUTTA
Ewww!

Jutta begins to shut down the computer, hesitates. She clicks on the picture, likes what she sees, types a message.

JUTTA (V.O.)
So what are you hiding behind those enormous doggy ears?
(hits enter)
Must be some weirdo with an owner/pet complex.

PING

SEXY MALE VOICE (V.O.)
You know what they say about big ears.

Jutta gasps, then reads further.

SEXY MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Pure submission waiting to fulfill your every order.

JUTTA (V.O.)
(typing)
What if I’m too much for you? I’m told I’m very domineering.
(hits enter)
Oh, I can’t! I can’t!

PING

SEXY MALE VOICE (V.O.)
Play fetch with me in the park, and we’ll see. You bring the dog biscuits.

Jutta types with excitement, then stops. Frau Knobloch hides behind the door watching.

JUTTA
Chris.

She runs out the front door. Frau Knobloch approaches the computer and reads. She dials her cell phone.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Angelika? At the pet store? Buy dog biscuits.

Scene 32

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, OFFICE - DAY
We hear PING from the computer.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
(reading new message on computer)
“Come lick my boot.”

ANGELIQUE
No, that is not for Jutta. Maybe we change the intro-line?

FRAU KNOBLOCH
OK. What do I write?

ANGELIQUE
“Woman of equality looking for cute puppy-dog to snuggle with.”

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Good.

Angelique accidentally stomps on the hamster ball, smashing it.

ANGELIQUE
Ewww.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
I liked that hamster better than I like you.

ANGELIQUE
I wish I’d had my shoes on ... I go to the pet store.

Angelique exits.

Scene 31

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, OFFICE - DAY
The sound of a PING emanates from the computer.

ANGELIQUE
We have a mail!

FRAU KNOBLOCH
(reading)
“Do you want to get spanked?” No!

ANGELIQUE
It’s not so bad.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja, but I think Jutta like to do the spanking.

Angelique nods in agreement.

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, BEDROOM - DAY
Jutta speaks on her cell phone.

JUTTA
What do you mean you don’t know any Chris? He’s the clean one ... relatively clean.

Scene 30

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Chris waits, increasingly upset. MIDDLE-AGE MAN enters and approaches Chris.

MIDDLE-AGE MAN
Is this where --?

CHRIS
Mr. Garret? Please.

Middle-age Man sits, takes a piece of cheesecake and eats.

CHRIS
Have a piece. All organic.

Middle-age man has already finished it.

MIDDLE-AGE MAN
Sucks. Got any booze?

CHRIS
No, but we’ll have a full bar offering organic cocktails, wines and fine ales.

MIDDLE-AGE MAN
(disappointed)
I’ll have another piece.

Middle-age Man takes another piece.

CHRIS
So what led you to apply for this job?

MIDDLE-AGE MAN
Job? Someone at the half-way house said there’d be free food. And all you have is this crappy cheesecake?

Middle-age Man finishes his second piece and leaves.

Scene 29

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Angelique sits on the couch and takes off her shoes.

ANGELIQUE
This is good opportunity to find yourself. I took time off and traveled the world.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
What did you take time off from? Smoking doobies?

ANGELIQUE
(increasingly dramatic)
I looked for myself. Searched high and low. Love. By blue skies as well as stormy weather. Love. On the green plain, the fertile valley, and in the desert. Love --

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Get on with the point!

ANGELIQUE
Love.

JUTTA
Did you find yourself?

ANGELIQUE
No, but I make a lot of whoopee. You need that. Now it is easier to find a man. Internet.

JUTTA
I’m calling the shelter.

Jutta dials.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
That is how I meet JR.

ANGELIQUE
That is how I meet JR.

JUTTA
(into phone)
Give me the number for the homeless shelter in Santa Monica.

Angelique goes to the office, followed by Frau Knobloch.

JUTTA
No, it’s not a new club.

Concerned about what they’re doing, Jutta follows.

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, OFFICE - DAY
Frau Knobloch and Angelique fight for the computer.

ANGELIQUE
I already wrote a profile for you. We just need good intro-line.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Strong German woman.

ANGELIQUE
(typing)
Sexy German girl wanting to satisfy your every fantasy.

JUTTA
(writing down number)
You make me sound like a prostitute!

Jutta exits, dialing.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
She’s right. Add “I do not charge.”

ANGELIQUE
OK.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Und we attach the photo of Jutta in the military.

Frau Knobloch clicks the mouse and hits return.

ANGELIQUE
She looks mean.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
That’s my girl.

Scene 28

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Chris waits for another candidate. He crosses off the 1 pm appointment on his list and writes “no-show.”

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jutta struggles further with her phone.

ANGELIQUE
Jutta, you need new man, who make you feel like real woman.

JUTTA
No, I need Chris.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Homeless man.

JUTTA
I love him.

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Chris crosses off the 1:30 pm appointment.

Scene 27

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Angelique enters carrying shopping bags, tries to sneak by Frau Knobloch and Jutta. She wears a wig identical to Frau Knobloch’s. Jutta is deeply depressed.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Sneaky person?

ANGELIQUE
No.

Angelique and Frau Knobloch examine each other’s hairdos in horror. Jutta continues to stare at her cell phone.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
You have new hairdo for JR!

ANGELIQUE
No. Disguise.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Disguise?

ANGELIQUE
From the world government. They watch everything.

Frau Knobloch scoffs.

ANGELIQUE
See that window? They use satellite to see everything you do. They even know what color underwear you have right now.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
What if I have no underwear right now?

ANGELIQUE
Then they know even more about you.

As Angelique turns, Frau Knobloch pulls the window shade.

JUTTA
Tante Angelique, you got along with Chris, a little. Did he call you?

ANGELIQUE
If he call me, I hang up.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja, he give me his phone number. Why would I call homeless man?

Scene 26

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Chris waits for another candidate, becomes frustrated. A middle-aged HISPANIC WOMAN looks around confused.

CHRIS
Ms. De Rosa?

HISPANIC WOMAN
Huh?

CHRIS
I’m sorry I couldn’t hold this meeting at my office - renovations. Have a seat. Would you like to try my chocolate cheesecake?

Hispanic Woman takes a piece and starts eating.

HISPANIC WOMAN
Hmmmm ... It’s good.

Hispanic Woman eats the cheesecake ravenously.

CHRIS
It’s a symbol of the restaurant, 100% live.

HISPANIC WOMAN
(mouth full)
Live?

CHRIS
Full of live bacterial cultures.

Hispanic Woman nearly vomits, races for the bathroom.

Scene 25

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jutta stares at her cell phone.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
You have been moping around three weeks. Get up, do something.

JUTTA
Chris might call.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
(snaps fingers)
Get busy. Find a job.

JUTTA
Well, what have you been doing?

FRAU KNOBLOCH
I prepare for meeting with JR. I go to gym every day - 2 hours exercycle. Do not tell Angelika!

JUTTA
Why not?

FRAU KNOBLOCH
She think she get JR. But I make myself look good in secret, und she never see me coming.

JUTTA
Mutti--

FRAU KNOBLOCH
We go to live show tonight, und he pick me.

Scene 24

INT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Chris, dressed in business attire, sits at a table with an entire cheesecake. He waits with excitement. MS. APPLETON, an African-American business woman, enters.

CHRIS
Ms. Appleton?

MS. APPLETON
Yes?

CHRIS
Chris. Nice to meet you.

MS. APPLETON
The restaurant’s smaller than I expected.

CHRIS
(trying to be friendly)
No, I’m freeloading on a coffee shop for interviews.

MS. APPLETON
Wouldn’t your office be more appropriate?

CHRIS
I don’t have an office yet. Would you like to try a piece of live chocolate cheesecake?

MS. APPLETON
Let’s get on with the interview.

CHRIS
OK.
(admiring resume)
I see you’ve managed Organicville culinary for 5 years. Great fit for a live foods restaurant.

MS. APPLETON
Live is a very small niche market.

CHRIS
(shaken)
I need someone who can help select the space, get permits and licenses, hire staff, find funding--

MS. APPLETON
Do you know how competitive this business is? ... I gotta’ go.

Ms. Appleton leaves.

Scene 23

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jutta is depressed. Frau Knobloch, in a good mood by her standards, has on a huge Dallas-style wig, with extra glitter. She speaks into the hamster ball.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Hi Nibbles! Little Nibbly-poo!

JUTTA
That’s Nibbles Two.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
What happened to Nibbles One?

JUTTA
Never mind.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
Well, he is cuter than Chris.

JUTTA
What have I done? He’s living in a homeless shelter.

FRAU KNOBLOCH
He’s found his place.

JUTTA
He’s too proud to call me back. I have to find him.

Scene 22

INT. JUTTA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Jutta dials a number on her cell phone.

INT. IZARRA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Chris’s cell phone rings.

IZARRA
Chris, your phone!

Izarra realizes Chris is gone, answers the phone.

SPLIT SCREEN - JUTTA AND IZARRA - DAY
Jutta and Izarra look angrily at each other across divide.

IZARRA
Hello.

JUTTA
Sorry, I have the wrong number.

IZARRA
Chris isn’t here.

JUTTA
Who’s this?

IZARRA
Homeless shelter. Message?

JUTTA
This is Jutta. I wanted to give Chris my new cell number.

IZARRA
It came through. I’ll pass it on.

Izarra abruptly hangs up.

CLOSE ON CELL PHONE
Izarra highlights “block caller” and presses enter.

Scene 21

INT. IZARRA’S APARTMENT, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Chris tries to make a call on his cell phone, becomes frustrated. A coffee cup stands next to him. Izarra meditates next to a white painting canvas, tries to get his attention.

IZARRA
Ooooohm.

Izarra looks to see if Chris noticed, then tries louder.

IZARRA
Ooooohm!

Chris tries to appear oblivious, but he’s actually intrigued.

IZARRA
Ooooohm!!!

CHRIS
(playfully)
Need something?

IZARRA
No, I’m working.

CHRIS
Oh.

Chris goes back to his phone.

IZARRA
Ooooohm!!!

CHRIS
What kind of work are you doing?

IZARRA
Well, since you’ve already interrupted, I’m painting.

CHRIS
You’re so creative.

IZARRA
Requires great concentration.

CHRIS
Don’t you need paint?

IZARRA
I’m asking for inspiration from the spirit world.

CHRIS
Getting an answer?

IZARRA
No. Every day, I sit down and wait. Sometimes it comes, sometimes it doesn’t. My last work took six months.

CHRIS
Can I see it?

IZARRA
Last time someone didn’t like my work, I was severely depressed. I couldn’t leave the apartment and started banging my head against the wall over and over. Then my roommate moved out. Said she couldn’t take it.

CHRIS
What snapped you out of it?

IZARRA
My mother visited.

CHRIS
Oh nice, before she passed away.

IZARRA
No, years after.

Izarra reveals a canvas painted completely black.

IZARRA
What do you think?

CHRIS
Six months? Want me to be honest?

IZARRA
But nice.

CHRIS
Fascinating.

IZARRA
Everybody sees something different.

CHRIS
I think I see what’s going on in your head.

IZARRA
I asked for inspiration, but I kept getting nothing. Then I realized nothing didn’t mean nothing. It meant black.

CHRIS
Have you gotten other messages?

IZARRA
Not yet. But black is a popular theme in the spirit world. It’s a series of 23 paintings now.
Izarra starts drinking Chris’s coffee.

IZARRA
You’ve been so busy since you moved in 3 weeks ago. Hardly noticed me.

CHRIS
I’ve been working on the restaurant. It’s too much for me.

IZARRA
I’m so proud of you. Kiss me!

CHRIS
No, It’s a mess. I can’t do it.

IZARRA
You could kiss me anyway.

CHRIS
I really appreciate staying here. Lucky thing you have a pull-out couch.

IZARRA
Yeah, lucky thing.

CHRIS
I should be paying half the rent.

Izarra flips the coffee cup over to read the grounds.

IZARRA
Monetary compensation wasn’t what I had in mind.

CHRIS
You’re a great friend, Izarra.

IZARRA
Story of my life.
(reading the grounds)
There she is again, that woman. She even has the same weird hair. You miss Jutta, don’t you?

CHRIS
(dialing cell phone)
No.

IZARRA
Who are you calling?

CHRIS
Jutta. I left several messages. She hasn’t called back.

IZARRA
Heartless.

CHRIS
I shouldn’t have left. She could change.

IZARRA
Yeah, and the world government doesn’t use radiation from computer screens to cause impotence.

Chris pushes himself away from the computer.

IZARRA
Nobody changes. Our course is written in the stars.

CHRIS
If the restaurant was a success, it would impress Jutta and her family.

Chris leaves the room, depressed.