INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Frau Knobloch returns with coffee, smiles suspiciously as she places a cup in front of Chris. Chris tries hard to impress.
JUTTA
Mutti, we were talking about “Dallas.”
Chris was just in Texas.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
“Dallas?” You know the Ewing family?
CHRIS
Well, no, not personally.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Crazy people, ja?
CHRIS
Yeah. So who do you think shot JR?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Oh, JR. Sometimes bad man.
CHRIS
Maybe it was a good German who shot him.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(horrified)
German? No, German never shoot JR! Poor
man, JR. Handsome man. I like this JR very much.
JUTTA
That was Chris’s way of making a little joke.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(deathly sarcastic)
Amusing.
Jutta’s cell phone rings. She answers.
JUTTA
Hello. Bob, what’s wrong?
Jutta continues inaudibly, becomes upset with the news.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I think very bad man shoot JR. Not Kristin.
Dirty woman Kristin.
(spits to side)
But not Kristin. Maybe French man shoot JR.
JUTTA
It’s my secretary.
Jutta turns to leave.
CHRIS
You can’t leave me alone now. Sarkozy just
shot JR.
JUTTA
You’re doing great.
Jutta leaves the room, angrily talking on the phone.
JUTTA
You get the job’s done, or you can pack up
your little box and leave now ...
An uncomfortable silence pervades the room. Frau Knobloch looks sternly at Chris who tries to break the tension with a forced laugh, unsuccessfully. Chris picks up his coffee in an attempt to fill the time gap, realizes how dangerous that might be, and places it back on the table, then notices Frau Knobloch had been watching.
CHRIS
It’s a little hot. I can wait for the coffee ... as
much time as it needs ... I probably won’t drink
it at all.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
You don’t like my coffee?
CHRIS
It’s perfect. I just enjoy admiring it, giving it
proper respect.
Jutta blows up in rage in the next room. Frau Knobloch, seemingly unaffected, admires her hair in a nearby mirror, pleased with the outcome.
JUTTA (O.S.)
No, no, NO! If that idiot loser wants spoon-
feeding, I’ll show him where I’m gonna’ stick it!
CHRIS
Oh no.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
That is nothing. You should see me.
Pause. Chris tries to come up with more conversation.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Knobloch!
CHRIS
Bless --
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Do not say “bless you!”
CHRIS
(with pride)
Gesundheit! ... So I hear you’re dating someone?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Ja.
CHRIS
Tell me about him.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Jutta knows not.
CHRIS
Why not?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
JR said do not tell.
CHRIS
JR?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
How you know that?
CHRIS
You’re dating JR?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Shhhhhhhhhh!
CHRIS
The guy who got shot?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
He is not dead. Kristin want him. Ober-
Schlampe!
(spits to side)
But I win.
CHRIS
Jutta!
Frau Knobloch gestures to indicate he better not tell Jutta.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Scene 7
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH'S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Frau Knobloch enters in a slightly more upscale bathrobe. Her hair shoots from the top of her head like a volcano.
JUTTA
Mutti!
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(unimpressed)
Er ist Dein Freund?
SUBTITLES
This is your boyfriend?
CHRIS
It's a pleasure to meet you, Frau Knoblau.
SUBTITLES
. . . Ms. Garlic
Frau Knobloch yells in Chris’s face, with extreme emphasis on the guttural “ch” such that it sounds similar to an incredible sneeze, horrifying Chris.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Knobloch!!!
CHRIS
Bless you. ... By the way, the petite white
roses at the side of your yard are beautiful.
French?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Was für ein Vollidiot!
SUBTITLES
What a complete idiot!
JUTTA
She’s pleased to meet you too. Mutti, English.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(still angry)
Die Amis spinnen doch.
CHRIS
I caught that. Amis spinnen. Thanks.
Jutta laughs hysterically in an attempt to alleviate the tension. Frau Knobloch and Chris stare at Jutta, failing to comprehend the humor.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(calming down)
Sit. We drink coffee, ja? You want Milch
with coffee?
Jutta is positioned out of Frau Knobloch’s view. She signals dramatically that Chris should respond “yes.”
CHRIS
Yes. Please.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Sugar?
Jutta signals “no.”
CHRIS
No. No thank you.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Schnapps?
Jutta urgently signals “no.”
CHRIS
No, never, but thank you.
Frau Knobloch notices Jutta’s violent hand waving, who then pretends to be fanning herself.
JUTTA
It’s a little warm.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I bring coffee, ja?
Frau Knobloch goes into the kitchen.
JUTTA
You’re doing great. Just keep it up.
CHRIS
I just used up my whole conversation.
JUTTA
Ask her who she thinks shot JR.
CHRIS
JR?
JUTTA
You know, that old TV series “Dallas.”
She’s been watching reruns since I was
a kid. She loved it when JR got shot.
CHRIS
Does she take milk with her coffee?
JUTTA
My father’s death was traumatic, and now
she’s all alone. I worry about her getting
a little disconnected from the real world.
All she has is her TV.
CHRIS
It must have been hard losing her husband.
JUTTA
Happened right before I was born, but
she’s never gotten over it. She said she’s
dating someone, so that's a good sign, but
she wouldn’t give details.
Frau Knobloch enters in a slightly more upscale bathrobe. Her hair shoots from the top of her head like a volcano.
JUTTA
Mutti!
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(unimpressed)
Er ist Dein Freund?
SUBTITLES
This is your boyfriend?
CHRIS
It's a pleasure to meet you, Frau Knoblau.
SUBTITLES
. . . Ms. Garlic
Frau Knobloch yells in Chris’s face, with extreme emphasis on the guttural “ch” such that it sounds similar to an incredible sneeze, horrifying Chris.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Knobloch!!!
CHRIS
Bless you. ... By the way, the petite white
roses at the side of your yard are beautiful.
French?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Was für ein Vollidiot!
SUBTITLES
What a complete idiot!
JUTTA
She’s pleased to meet you too. Mutti, English.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(still angry)
Die Amis spinnen doch.
CHRIS
I caught that. Amis spinnen. Thanks.
Jutta laughs hysterically in an attempt to alleviate the tension. Frau Knobloch and Chris stare at Jutta, failing to comprehend the humor.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(calming down)
Sit. We drink coffee, ja? You want Milch
with coffee?
Jutta is positioned out of Frau Knobloch’s view. She signals dramatically that Chris should respond “yes.”
CHRIS
Yes. Please.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Sugar?
Jutta signals “no.”
CHRIS
No. No thank you.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Schnapps?
Jutta urgently signals “no.”
CHRIS
No, never, but thank you.
Frau Knobloch notices Jutta’s violent hand waving, who then pretends to be fanning herself.
JUTTA
It’s a little warm.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I bring coffee, ja?
Frau Knobloch goes into the kitchen.
JUTTA
You’re doing great. Just keep it up.
CHRIS
I just used up my whole conversation.
JUTTA
Ask her who she thinks shot JR.
CHRIS
JR?
JUTTA
You know, that old TV series “Dallas.”
She’s been watching reruns since I was
a kid. She loved it when JR got shot.
CHRIS
Does she take milk with her coffee?
JUTTA
My father’s death was traumatic, and now
she’s all alone. I worry about her getting
a little disconnected from the real world.
All she has is her TV.
CHRIS
It must have been hard losing her husband.
JUTTA
Happened right before I was born, but
she’s never gotten over it. She said she’s
dating someone, so that's a good sign, but
she wouldn’t give details.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Scene 6
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
Doorbell rings. Frau Knobloch appears wearing the same bathrobe from the previous evening. Jutta follows.
JUTTA
I’ll get it. Uhm, weren’t you gonna’
fix yourself up?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
What is the problem?
JUTTA
Change your clothes? Fix your hair up?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
You want hair up?
JUTTA
Mutti, this is important. Relax and be
yourself ... OK, don’t be yourself. Be
warm. Be nice.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I put hair up. If he nice, I nice.
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH’S HOUSE, ENTRYWAY - DAY
Jutta answers the door. Chris enters, very upset.
JUTTA
You look terrible. Didn’t you sleep?
Jutta picks a piece of lint off Chris’s shirt.
CHRIS
Jutta --
JUTTA
Stop slouching.
Jutta taps Chris on the back. He stands up straight.
CHRIS
Jutta, your Tante Angelique is a little
weird.
Jutta notices something on Chris’s face. During the conversation, she spits on a tissue and wipes off his face.
JUTTA
Isn’t she fun?
CHRIS
She keeps saying “Amis spinnen. Amis
spinnen.” What does that mean?
SUBTITLES
Americans are nuts. Americans are nuts.
JUTTA
Americans are ... cool.
Jutta leads Chris into the living room.
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
JUTTA
Don’t be nervous. My mother’s a warm,
caring person.
CHRIS
She forced you into military duty.
JUTTA
Best two years of my life.
CHRIS
You already told me what she did to the
last guy you introduced.
JUTTA
She was in a weird mood.
CHRIS
Weird mood? You went to the bathroom,
and by the time you got back, the “Polizei”
were there arresting him for breaking and
entering.
SUBTITLES
... police
JUTTA
He slurped his coffee.
CHRIS
Huh?
JUTTA
She has a theory. You can tell how a man
treats a woman by the way he drinks his
coffee.
CHRIS
Coffee?
JUTTA
Milk implies you’re tender and caring.
Sugar means you hide the truth. And
artificial sweeteners really get her going.
CHRIS
What if I insist on fair trade organic coffee?
JUTTA
And don’t drink too fast. Impatience means
you’re only interested in one thing.
CHRIS
The last guy slurped? Did that mean he --?
JUTTA
OK, my mother was right about him.
Doorbell rings. Frau Knobloch appears wearing the same bathrobe from the previous evening. Jutta follows.
JUTTA
I’ll get it. Uhm, weren’t you gonna’
fix yourself up?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
What is the problem?
JUTTA
Change your clothes? Fix your hair up?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
You want hair up?
JUTTA
Mutti, this is important. Relax and be
yourself ... OK, don’t be yourself. Be
warm. Be nice.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I put hair up. If he nice, I nice.
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH’S HOUSE, ENTRYWAY - DAY
Jutta answers the door. Chris enters, very upset.
JUTTA
You look terrible. Didn’t you sleep?
Jutta picks a piece of lint off Chris’s shirt.
CHRIS
Jutta --
JUTTA
Stop slouching.
Jutta taps Chris on the back. He stands up straight.
CHRIS
Jutta, your Tante Angelique is a little
weird.
Jutta notices something on Chris’s face. During the conversation, she spits on a tissue and wipes off his face.
JUTTA
Isn’t she fun?
CHRIS
She keeps saying “Amis spinnen. Amis
spinnen.” What does that mean?
SUBTITLES
Americans are nuts. Americans are nuts.
JUTTA
Americans are ... cool.
Jutta leads Chris into the living room.
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM - DAY
JUTTA
Don’t be nervous. My mother’s a warm,
caring person.
CHRIS
She forced you into military duty.
JUTTA
Best two years of my life.
CHRIS
You already told me what she did to the
last guy you introduced.
JUTTA
She was in a weird mood.
CHRIS
Weird mood? You went to the bathroom,
and by the time you got back, the “Polizei”
were there arresting him for breaking and
entering.
SUBTITLES
... police
JUTTA
He slurped his coffee.
CHRIS
Huh?
JUTTA
She has a theory. You can tell how a man
treats a woman by the way he drinks his
coffee.
CHRIS
Coffee?
JUTTA
Milk implies you’re tender and caring.
Sugar means you hide the truth. And
artificial sweeteners really get her going.
CHRIS
What if I insist on fair trade organic coffee?
JUTTA
And don’t drink too fast. Impatience means
you’re only interested in one thing.
CHRIS
The last guy slurped? Did that mean he --?
JUTTA
OK, my mother was right about him.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Scene 5
INT. ANGELIQUE’S HOUSE, GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT
Light radiates throughout the bedroom disturbing Chris’s sleep. He stares at the ceiling, turns over, then turns over again. Finally, he places the pillow over his head.
CLOSE ON POT PLANT UNDER BRIGHT HEATING LAMP ON DRESSER.
Light radiates throughout the bedroom disturbing Chris’s sleep. He stares at the ceiling, turns over, then turns over again. Finally, he places the pillow over his head.
CLOSE ON POT PLANT UNDER BRIGHT HEATING LAMP ON DRESSER.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Scene 4
INT. FRAU KNOBLOCH’S HOUSE, KITCHEN - NIGHT
FRAU KNOBLOCH, dressed in a bathrobe, makes coffee.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Die Nachbaren denken, Du wärst
eine Schlampe.
SUBTITLES
The neighbors think you're a slut.
JUTTA
Mutti, practice your English. And
don't call me Schlampe.
SUBTITLES
Mom, ... slut.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Why must I meet another Ami?
JUTTA
“American” not “Ami.”
FRAU KNOBLOCH
The Amis are superficial ... und a little
stupid. You need nice German boy.
JUTTA
I love Chris.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I have always been right on boyfriends.
JUTTA
You've always been right before.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I know people. That is why I stay home und
watch TV. He want money. Just money.
JUTTA
I trust him. We have no secrets.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Secrets are the foundation of every good
relationship. You must find a man as good
as Gustav Knobloch.
JUTTA
You can’t expect Chris to be just like my
father.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Tante Angelika already call me. Says Chris is
handsome but pervert.
JUTTA
Aunt Angelique likes perverts.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
“Angelika” not “Angelique.” She thinks she’s
French.
Frau Knobloch spits to the side in disgust.
JUTTA
She calls herself “Angelique” now.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I call her the Oberschlampe.
SUBTITLES
... biggest slut.
JUTTA
It was nice she let Chris stay with her, since
you wouldn’t have him.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
What I tell the neighbors?
JUTTA
You haven’t spoken with the neighbors in 3
years.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
They attack my bush.
JUTTA
That ugly old shrub?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(furious)
Nobody touch my bush.
JUTTA
Frau Revoir clipped off leaves that had grown
onto her side.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Stupid French woman. Why she not go back to
France?
JUTTA
She’s from Stuttgart.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
French name.
JUTTA
You overreacted by hacking all the buds
off her pygmy white rose bush.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
They look like little pimples.
Jutta shoots Frau Knobloch a stern look.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Anyway they grow back. Pimples always do.
Frau Knobloch places the freshly brewed coffee in the refrigerator. Jutta looks inquisitively.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Everything ready. When Chris come in the
morning, I put in microwave.
JUTTA
Good idea. Well, good night.
FRAU KNOBLOCH, dressed in a bathrobe, makes coffee.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Die Nachbaren denken, Du wärst
eine Schlampe.
SUBTITLES
The neighbors think you're a slut.
JUTTA
Mutti, practice your English. And
don't call me Schlampe.
SUBTITLES
Mom, ... slut.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Why must I meet another Ami?
JUTTA
“American” not “Ami.”
FRAU KNOBLOCH
The Amis are superficial ... und a little
stupid. You need nice German boy.
JUTTA
I love Chris.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I have always been right on boyfriends.
JUTTA
You've always been right before.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I know people. That is why I stay home und
watch TV. He want money. Just money.
JUTTA
I trust him. We have no secrets.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Secrets are the foundation of every good
relationship. You must find a man as good
as Gustav Knobloch.
JUTTA
You can’t expect Chris to be just like my
father.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Tante Angelika already call me. Says Chris is
handsome but pervert.
JUTTA
Aunt Angelique likes perverts.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
“Angelika” not “Angelique.” She thinks she’s
French.
Frau Knobloch spits to the side in disgust.
JUTTA
She calls herself “Angelique” now.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
I call her the Oberschlampe.
SUBTITLES
... biggest slut.
JUTTA
It was nice she let Chris stay with her, since
you wouldn’t have him.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
What I tell the neighbors?
JUTTA
You haven’t spoken with the neighbors in 3
years.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
They attack my bush.
JUTTA
That ugly old shrub?
FRAU KNOBLOCH
(furious)
Nobody touch my bush.
JUTTA
Frau Revoir clipped off leaves that had grown
onto her side.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Stupid French woman. Why she not go back to
France?
JUTTA
She’s from Stuttgart.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
French name.
JUTTA
You overreacted by hacking all the buds
off her pygmy white rose bush.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
They look like little pimples.
Jutta shoots Frau Knobloch a stern look.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Anyway they grow back. Pimples always do.
Frau Knobloch places the freshly brewed coffee in the refrigerator. Jutta looks inquisitively.
FRAU KNOBLOCH
Everything ready. When Chris come in the
morning, I put in microwave.
JUTTA
Good idea. Well, good night.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Scene 3
EXT. ANGELIQUE’S HOUSE, FRONT DOOR - NIGHT
Jutta and Chris stand in front of the door.
CHRIS
I don't know much about German culture.
JUTTA
Just do whatever I do.
Angelique opens the door, delighted.
ANGELIQUE
Jutta!
JUTTA
Tante Angelique.
They embrace warmly, kissing once on each cheek.
JUTTA
This is Chris.
Chris embraces her, tries to kiss her on the cheek. Angelique recoils in shock.
ANGELIQUE
Come in, Jutta.
JUTTA
It’s late. Another day.
(to Chris)
Remember, my mother’s house is three doors
down. See you bright and early.
(to Angelique)
Good night.
Angelique blows Jutta a kiss as she leaves, then looks coldly at Chris.
ANGELIQUE
Right in front of Jutta. Come.
Chris struggles with his suitcase, follows Angelique.
INT. ANGELIQUE’S HOUSE, GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT
ANGELIQUE
Your room. I will not make sex with you tonight.
(turns to leave, then)
I lock my door.
CHRIS
(poor accented German)
Gute Nacht! Thank you!
The room is decorated with antique bongs and pictures of Angelique smoking pot with local peoples around the world.
Jutta and Chris stand in front of the door.
CHRIS
I don't know much about German culture.
JUTTA
Just do whatever I do.
Angelique opens the door, delighted.
ANGELIQUE
Jutta!
JUTTA
Tante Angelique.
They embrace warmly, kissing once on each cheek.
JUTTA
This is Chris.
Chris embraces her, tries to kiss her on the cheek. Angelique recoils in shock.
ANGELIQUE
Come in, Jutta.
JUTTA
It’s late. Another day.
(to Chris)
Remember, my mother’s house is three doors
down. See you bright and early.
(to Angelique)
Good night.
Angelique blows Jutta a kiss as she leaves, then looks coldly at Chris.
ANGELIQUE
Right in front of Jutta. Come.
Chris struggles with his suitcase, follows Angelique.
INT. ANGELIQUE’S HOUSE, GUEST BEDROOM - NIGHT
ANGELIQUE
Your room. I will not make sex with you tonight.
(turns to leave, then)
I lock my door.
CHRIS
(poor accented German)
Gute Nacht! Thank you!
The room is decorated with antique bongs and pictures of Angelique smoking pot with local peoples around the world.
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